Keep Quiet

"Keep quiet!", shouts Joel.


This is something Ethaniel has not mastered.


Keeping quiet, is not something he is good at.


In fact, I think he struggles with it ....


What makes me think so?


Well...the constant interruptions when we do Wisdom Booklet together, asking questions irrelevant to the topic discussed in the Wisdom Booklet...


Humming while in the car, showering in the bathroom, while walking....


While he does his writing.... he talks....


While he does his reading... he talks in between sentences .....


Yesterday, he talked so much while his older brother was doing his project that Joel had difficulty concentrating. After some frustrated effort of trying to finish his project, Joel came over and said ...


Joel: "Mom, if I didn't have self control, I would have punched Ethaniel!"


Me: "I am glad you exercised self-control"


Joel: "The only reason I used self-control is because I am afraid of you... what you will do to me if I punched him!"


Me: "Fear of God is the beginning of wisdom - its in the bible"


Joel: "Fear of YOU stopped me from punching him... not God!"


Me: :-/


When children are young, parents are representatives of God. They cannot see God but seeing their parents, they can visualize what God is like. If parents are loving, fair, firm and etc. That's how they see God.


Struggles.... don't we all have them? Some struggles with trying to keep quiet, some with self-control and the rest of us with everything else.

Caught on camera: Joel 'torturing' his younger brother by flipping his finger to his earlobe. Note the cheeky smile on his face. He didn't know I was taking his photo by zooming the camera from afar.

Personality and Temperament - Part 1

I was exposed to Personalities and Temperaments since my early twenties. The information I obtained from the book I purchased was absolutely life changing, which I later gave to my sister before she left for Australia. It has been an information I used throughout my life. It not only helped me understand my bosses, colleagues, boyfriends, friends, family members, husband, now my children but also about myself.

I will not describe the details here but I suggest that you read it from this website. Don't forget to take the personality test. Following are the 4 basic personality:

1. Sanguine
2. Choleric
3. Melancholic
4. Phlegmatic

In the test, I am 20% Phlegmatic, 55% Sanguine, 13% Choleric. Therefore, I am a Sanguine Phelgmatic. My husband is for sure a Melancholic because we are direct opposites. According to the experts, opposite attracts. But sometimes they attack too!

Knowing the Personality Traits and Temperaments of the people we are closest to, helps us to understand their behaviour and quirks, therefore, giving them the benefit-of-the-doubt when they act or speak in a seemingly hurting way. We are all born with a main personality which will remain for the rest of our lives. We might improve or change a little here and there as we go along. But its doubtful that a Melancholic can become a Sanguine. Unless she or he experienced a trauma.

Go through the test and let me know what your Personality Traits is / are.

Earning Extra Cash

Joel is working hard to earn some extra cash. He wants to save up to buy some stuffs. So, immediately after studies today, he washed all the fans. Washing the fans are not part of his normal chores. So, when he does it he will get extra monies. E.g. washing the windows, toilets and fans. Each fan is B30 (RM3). He washed 6 pcs. So, by end of this week, including payment for his chore duties, he should be receiving B280 (RM28). Not too bad earnings for an 11 years old boy, eh?

I want him to know the benefit of hardwork. Its good training for him. At least he will not grow up to be a spoiled brat, lazy husband and father.

I told him that I used to wash cars for my sister's boyfriend (now husband) to earn extra cash to go for church camps. If I waxed the car, I get extra cash. My elder sister and brother used to work during school holidays as clerk and kitchen help, respectively. So, I am proud to say that all of my siblings are responsible citizens, holding good jobs and my sister is returning to University pursuing her studies in Australia and coming up top in her class! So, hardwork will always be beneficial, its the lazying around that's harmful.

Ladies First!

We have a gentleman in the house!!!! Yes, Ethaniel. Unfortunately, it comes and goes without warning. Last Saturday we went out for lunch and he opened the car door for me and then closed it behind me. He did it twice that day. My heart melted and I felt warm all over!

Gentleman in action

Trying to make a bow but it ended up more like a curtsy ;-)

Gratitude

I absolutely need to blog this. I have to do it before I forget!

I took Joel and Ethaniel to the barber this evening. Before we left, I packed the food to feed the puppies. Joel came into the kitchen and said, "Mommy, Thank you for putting your hands into the sticky porridge and preparing it for the puppies to eat. You are such a kind Mommy and I love you." I felt good for his gratitude.

After finishing his haircut, on the way coming back home, Joel commented.

"Mommy, I noticed that you are very different since we came to Thailand. You are the perfect Mommy! Why are you so good? You seem to put God first in everything you do. God this, God that. You are so good except when you fight with Daddy but other than that, you are perfect! There is nothing wrong with anything you do!"

I was really deeply touched by his comments and it was such a great joy to hear that from him. You see, Joel does not know how to flatter. He is very limited in his expression, in fact, its difficult to get him to express his emotions. For him to express his love and gratitude, I know he really means it. I just have to check my heart, in case pride floods in ;-) but mostly its gratitude towards God for allowing the character of gratitude to fill my son's heart. Many of us take each other for granted.

I have had one loud quarrel with Ivan in the last 1 year, the rest are quiet ones ;-). Its just slightly louder than normal voice. But to Joel it's 'fighting'. To me its hardly worth mentioning. Imagine, I grew up in a home which does more than quarrel. Maybe I need some counselling or psychiatric help...

Children are so perceptive and he's only 11 years old. So, never underestimate what our children perceives. The things that we don't say, they have intuition.

I need to blog this so that during the days when I am 'down' and 'out', when I feel that being a homemaker is overwhelming, homeschooling is challenging, life is overcrowding and I need a boost of encouragement, I will read this blog. Then, I will remember, the day my 11 years old son showed his gratitude and love through a very touching verbal expression.

So, thank you Joel. Your words means so much to me. I thank God He has blessed me with you. I know the journey has not been easy. I know the journey WILL not be easy but I know that God will be there for us. Great and mighty things shall you do because God is with you. May the Lord shines His face upon you today and bless you, my son.

Boundaries

I have been living away from my parents for the last 12 years. I have realised that I am very used to doing things my way. Hanging up the wok here, putting the pan there, fork and spoon in drawers and etc. Mom has her way of doing things which is very different from how I do mine. I still like to do it my way even when she is around and its not unusual that she wants to do it her way too.

I learnt about boundaries in the last few years and I feel that it has been good. I felt that all my life, people has bull-dozered me and I have allowed them to do it just because I am afraid to hurt them. But the problem is, I silently resent them and felt a lot of frustrations inside.

The best thing about a Mother-Daughter relationship is that, we can tell each other off without holding grudges. There are things which she does not agree about me and vice versa. We will get it off our chest and move on.

I first learnt about boundaries through Elijah House - an inner healing ministry. I felt that God was teaching me to put up boundaries and not allow people to keep pushing their way in my life. Its not a right Christian attitude to allow people to 'step all over' me. When Jesus was on earth, He had many boundaries whereby, He left to spend time by himself rather than allowing the crowd to be with him 24/7. He also was never pushed around expecially by the Pharisees. He even showed His anger and told them off. It didn't mean that He doesn't love them but He knew when to put up boundaries.

One of the most effective boundaries I have practised are with my children. My children knows that they cannot push me around by excessively serving them, insist on getting their way - especially when tired, throwing tantrums and etc. They must respect Mommy's needs as well. And it has worked excellently well. When I tell them that Mommy is tired, they need to help out, immediately Joel and Ethaniel empathizes. They have learnt to put their wants aside to fulfill another's need. They have learnt not to gratify their own wants all the time, have a little self-control every now and then. It will not kill them! They still push their way every now and then, being human, but I also know when to put my boundaries.

Life is indeed a journey.... a learning and growing journey.... Some are easy and others are hard...

Magic Stick

It’s a very common looking stick, made of rattan. Obtainable at most “pasar malam” (night market in Bahasa Malaysia) and readily found at most Malaysian household a generation ago. It is indispensable to most parents. You might have guessed it by now, it’s the rotan.

I first purchased and used the rotan when Joel was about 2 years old. That was 9 years ago. I never thought it was necessary to use it, being first time Mother. But now, its indispensable. I know that many Mothers may differ in opinion. Many books will suggest that I am damaging them permanently or teaching them violence.

1. Proverbs 22:15 (KJV)
   Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
   
   
2. Proverbs 23:13 (KJV)
   Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

Just a few days ago, Joel came up to me and said “Thank you for giving me the rotan. I needed it”. With a smile that speaks a thousand words. It was a cheeky and knowing smile. You see, just a few days ago, I administered the rotan to his meaty bottom. He had failed to accomplish his work which I have asked him numerous times to do. We had an agreement. It was basically due to laziness, irresponsibility and disobedience.

We have been working on getting some discipline and character into his life. He has been struggling, I knew that. We have also prayed and asked God for help.

This magical rod has helped him to overcome a few tough character issues in the past e.g. lying, cheating, bullying his brother, etc. I understand at one point or another, all of us are tempted to sin. It starts very early. If its not nipped in the bud at the onset, it might be a lifelong character struggle. I can see that in many young adults, adults and even old people of today. The scary part is, it will cease to become a struggle and eventually become an accepted behaviour. There are many people who can tell a lie “without blinking”.

As parents we have the responsibility to help our children to stop doing foolish things. That is something which requires comprehension. How inflicting pain on their meaty bottoms can deter foolish characters?

I guess many of us do not speed on the road, kill, steal, etc. due to the fear of being caught by the authorities. Maybe it applies to children as well.

I personally believe that rotan has to be administered with a double portion of love and patience and never in anger or revenge. Its not easy to do that but if you succeed 80% of the time, then your child will realize that you are doing it for their own good rather than harboring bitterness, anger and injustice.

When I heard Joel’s comment, I tried to look calm but inside, I said a silent “Thank you, God”. At least I am doing something right. That my friend, is a rare occasion ;-)