Wednesday, December 19, 2007


I have been living away from my parents for the last 12 years. I have realised that I am very used to doing things my way. Hanging up the wok here, putting the pan there, fork and spoon in drawers and etc. Mom has her way of doing things which is very different from how I do mine. I still like to do it my way even when she is around and its not unusual that she wants to do it her way too.

I learnt about boundaries in the last few years and I feel that it has been good. I felt that all my life, people has bull-dozered me and I have allowed them to do it just because I am afraid to hurt them. But the problem is, I silently resent them and felt a lot of frustrations inside.

The best thing about a Mother-Daughter relationship is that, we can tell each other off without holding grudges. There are things which she does not agree about me and vice versa. We will get it off our chest and move on.

I first learnt about boundaries through Elijah House - an inner healing ministry. I felt that God was teaching me to put up boundaries and not allow people to keep pushing their way in my life. Its not a right Christian attitude to allow people to 'step all over' me. When Jesus was on earth, He had many boundaries whereby, He left to spend time by himself rather than allowing the crowd to be with him 24/7. He also was never pushed around expecially by the Pharisees. He even showed His anger and told them off. It didn't mean that He doesn't love them but He knew when to put up boundaries.

One of the most effective boundaries I have practised are with my children. My children knows that they cannot push me around by excessively serving them, insist on getting their way - especially when tired, throwing tantrums and etc. They must respect Mommy's needs as well. And it has worked excellently well. When I tell them that Mommy is tired, they need to help out, immediately Joel and Ethaniel empathizes. They have learnt to put their wants aside to fulfill another's need. They have learnt not to gratify their own wants all the time, have a little self-control every now and then. It will not kill them! They still push their way every now and then, being human, but I also know when to put my boundaries.

Life is indeed a journey.... a learning and growing journey.... Some are easy and others are hard...

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