Who Do You Call?

(Joel goes for competitive swimming 3 times a week. Hubby sends him there and returns home before picking him up again 2 hours later)



My mobile phone rang....


Me: Hello

Joel: Hi, Mum... *stuttering* I forgot my swimming trunk *silent*

Me: What? Just wear whatever you have lah.

Joel: I don't have anything... Only towel.

Me: *thinking* *sigh* So, what do you want me to do? Don't you have Daddy's mobile. Call him lah.

Joel: Oh, OK.

2 minutes lapse.


My mobile phone rang again...

Me: Hello.

Joel: Can you tell Dad to bring my swimming trunks?

Me: Did you call Dad already?

Joel: No.


Conclusion and moral of the story:

This son is obviously very smart. He knows who will bring his swimming trunk and who will not. His Daddy took the swimming trunk to him but not before he said, "We should teach him a lesson!"


I was thinking... pity those little girls. It will be too traumatic an experience to see my young man "flashing" around the pool. The lesson which we want to teach him has too much of consequences on both him and spectators.

Healthy Relationships

A friend read my blog and commented that I actually expressed my feelings about my son on the blog??!! Read the post here. What if my son reads it? In fact, my son, Joel reads my blog regularly. He is one of my fans :-)


I see him regularly sitting at my laptop and reading my blog post.


Actually, I have a very transparent relationship with my children. I don't keep them guessing on how I feel. Especially about them. If I am unhappy about something they did, I will tell them. If I am happy and pleased with them, they will also know. At times, when I feel down, I will ask them to pray for me too.


When I am upset with them and vice versa, after I expressed my feelings and thoughts, the anger is not held on for long. If I need to forgive them, I will. So, that's the reason why I have a very good relationship with my children and not afraid to be transparent with them about my emotions.


When children does not walk on egg-shells around their parents, they will have a sense of security and confidence. The boundaries are clear and expectations achievable. Such an environment is important for them to thrive.

Setting Our Children Free

I mentioned earlier that I took the opportunity to teach my children something educational regards to the Pastor who admitted he is a porn addict.


This is not my first time talking to them about the realities of sins and struggles a boy or man will face all the days of his life... sexual temptations. That is how they have been made... easily stimulated with their eyes. I can either pretend they are goody-two-shoes (which they are not!) or help them to face their struggles and be there to guide them through it. Even though I talk with casualness in my tone, its actually a very serious subject.


In this age of technology, where pornography is a click away... Yes, I have an internet filter. But what if I am no longer around to guard my children. Will they be able to resist the temptations? I hope so.


My older boy who is turning 12 years old this Oct said that he does have "those thoughts". He handles it the way I have taught him. He has victories in his thought life.


My younger boy will be turning 7 years old this Nov said that he does have "those thoughts" and dreams. He admits that he struggles, with a look tinged with guilt. I almost fell from my chair but I was so calm and cool that even my freezer will be proud.


I know that in Bangkok, there are many pornographic printed materials. Its free and readily available at shopping complexes and hotels. Its very small and easily hidden in pockets. I know he has taken some without my knowledge and this curious little boy has exposed himself to pornographic materials out of curiosity.


My goodness, what do I do?


Pornographic images stays in the mind - almost forever...


I helped him the way I knew best. Prayer. Its a very different type of prayer... prayer of deliverance. A type of prayer I have used for my children, myself and even friends and family members.


I also know that the bible says ...

Ephesians 6:12:
¹² For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places



After the prayer of deliverance, he said that he felt much better and that all those pictures in his mind was all gone!  Praise the Lord!


You can take authority over demonic powers over your children's lives too, today.


BTW, if you want to know how to do it, drop me a note and I will teach you how.

Children Are Vulnerable To Secret Sins

I took the opportunity to tell the story of the Pastor from Planetshakers, who admitted to be a porn addict to my children, Joel 11+ and Ethaniel 6+ years old. Its a very important educational lesson.


Eventhough we are homeschoolers, I do not hide my children from the realities that is happening in our world. As what the bible says - temptations, immoralities, lies, deception, covetousness, hate and etc. are among us and its in our every lives.


I cannot hide my children from this fact but I can teach them how to overcome and handle all these situations which they will face from now till the day they die. That's a fact!


Many people are shock that the fallen Pastor was addicted to pornography since the age of 12 years old. His parents are Pastors and there were no pornographic materials in the home, so, where did he get it? The bigger question... How did he manage to hide it?


Its our duty as parents to check on our children. Never fully trust them, for their own sake. Everyone falter sometimes especially when they are starting their journey into adulthood and curiosity. Guidance and wisdom from us are invaluable to these young minds.


I know, I am talking from experience.


Sometimes, if there are intentions to keep a secret sin, they might not reveal. Go to God in prayer and ask God to reveal it to you. God has revealed secret sins in my children's lives and as a result, they have been changed and are receiving daily victories in their lives. It will be too devastating to discover 16 years later that they are bound by addictions which affects their wife, children and community at large.


How about talking to your children today and ask them if they have any struggles which they need help? Judge not but love them to repentance.


That is our duty as parents.

Where Is The Camera Bag???!!!!

Its always a nightmare when traveling and having misplaced a luggage. Of course, its not worst than loosing your passport. That would be the ultimate NIGHTMARE.


Anyway, today, we experienced the 2nd worst nightmare.... misplacing a bag. A very expensive, camera bag.


We realised this missing bag when we arrived at the Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KLIA). Aaarrrggghhhh!!!!! An hour after we left our accommodation. That's an awfully long time.


Panic! Panic! Panic!


Everyone tensed.


Joel and I started to pray. To ask God to help us find the camera... or to convict the person who found it to return it back to us. In fact, Joel started praying way before I asked him. Quietly sitting down and praying. After that Ethaniel and hubby prayed.


I also prayed that God will use this incident to show to the children that He is a prayer answering God. That nothing is too difficult for Him and that He is able to do the almost impossible stuffs. A miracle!


Tracing back our thoughts, we realised that we did leave it behind. We did not take it to the Airport!


Trying to see who would be able to assist us.... We made a few calls.... To Daniel - my neighbour, Siew Mei - the minimart owner, my sister-in-law and my brother-in-law.


Everyone was so kind as to assist by going to the location to look for the item. Unfortunately, it was no longer there. Sigh. Since the RM3,000 (THB30,000 / USD1,000) camera belonged to my hubby... He was obviously the saddest person to receive the news.


It was really difficult to see him sad, frustrated, upset and disappointed.... All I could do was to give him a hug and told him that on the bright side, he will get a new camera!!! It didn't really help to cheer him up, though....


About 30 mins before boarding, we received a call from Daniel, my neighbour and said that someone by the name of Alan found the bag! Incidentally they were in the same lift together. Alan asked Daniel if he loss the camera and Daniel explained that it wasn't him but his neighbour. That's when we asked my brother-in-law, Kerwin to contact Alan to regain possession of the camera.


I was jumping for joy!!!!


God is good!!!


Thank God for honest people like Alan!!! Thank you, Alan!


Thank God for good and helpful neighbours like Daniel!!!! Thank you, Daniel!


Thank you Kerwin for collecting it back!!!

Hubby with his beloved camera

Joel said this while we were waiting for our flight (after the incident but before we recovered the camera)....


...."Usually when trials happen, its when God wants to teach us something"


Hmm... bulls-eye, my son! Children often has Words of Wisdom to teach us adults.


I think all of us learned various lessons today. But the greatest of them is that my children see with their own eyes that God is an ever present help in times of trouble and that we can go to Him for help and He WILL help. That is a more powerful lesson that 300 bible study put together.

A Lesson On Caring About Others

The cyclone disaster that hit Myanmar recently has killed at least 100,000 people. They are expecting many more to die as the after effects of the disaster.


Myanmar and Thailand borders each other. It probably takes 3 hours on car to get to the nearest border of Myanmar. As a result, many of them comes to Thailand to work. So, we have friends who have families affected by the cyclone and that's really sad.


I spoke to Joel and Ethaniel about how the cyclone has affected the Myanmar people. Challenging both of them to understand that these people are without food, shelter, hygiene facilities and many people are dead and they need our help.


Me: Would you like to donate some of your monies to help this people?

Joel: Yes. I will give them THB500 (RM50 / USD18)

Ethaniel: I don't think so.

Joel: You know this people are very hungry and without food. How would you feel if you don't have food to eat? Huh? Huh? Buying ATV is not more important that food, you know?

Ethaniel: I don't know. OK. I will give all my monies (That is almost THB4,000 (RM400 / USD150)


After a little bit of conversation regards to the people of Myanmar....

Ethaniel: I think I will give THB100

Me: That's OK. However much you give, it will make a difference to someone there. Most importantly, it comes from your heart.


This day, my children get a lesson to care about others more than themselves. I hope that they will continue to learn lessons like that all throughout their lives. The same lessons that Jesus has been teaching us, all throughout the bible and through His life.

Mean Mums

I received the below email from a friend... Its a good one.

************

Someday when my children are old enough to
understand the logic that motivates a parent, I will
tell them, as my Mean Mum told me: I loved you
enough . . . to ask where you were going, with whom,
and what time you would be home.


I loved you enough to be silent and let you
discover that your new best friend was a creep.


I loved you enough to stand over you for two hours
while you cleaned your room, a job that should have taken 15 minutes.
I loved you enough to let you see anger,
disappointment, and tears in my eyes. Children must
learn that their parents aren't perfect.


I loved you enough to let you assume the
responsibility for your actions even when the
penalties were so harsh they almost broke my heart.


But most of all, I loved you enough . . . to say
NO when I knew you would hate me for it.


Those were the most difficult battles of all. I'm
glad I won them, because in the end you won, too.
And someday when your children are old enough to
understand the logic that motivates parents, you will tell them.


Was your Mum mean? I know mine was. We had the
meanest mother in the whole world! While other kids
ate sweets for breakfast, we had to have cereal, eggs, and toast.
When others had a Coke and a Burger for lunch, we had to eat sandwiches.
And you can guess our mother fixed us a dinner that was
different from what other kids had, too.


Mother insisted on knowing where we were at all
times. You'd think we were convicts in a prison. She
had to know who our friends were, and what we were
doing with them. She insisted that if we said we
would be gone for an hour, we would be gone for an hour or less.


We were ashamed to admit it, but she had the nerve
to break the Child Labour Laws by making us work We
had to wash the dishes, make the beds, learn to
cook, vacuum the floor, do laundry, empty the trash
and all sorts of cruel jobs. I think she would lie
awake at night thinking of more things for us to do.


She always insisted on us telling the truth, the
whole truth, and nothing but the truth. By the time
we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had
eyes in the back of her head. Then, life was really tough!


Mother wouldn't let our friends just honk the horn
when they drove up. They had to come up to the door
so she could meet them. While everyone else could
date when they were 12 or 13, we had to wait until we were 18.


Because of our mother we missed out on lots of
things other kids experienced. None of us have ever
been caught shoplifting, vandalizing other's
property or ever arrested for any crime. It was all her fault.


Now that we have left home, we are all educated,
honest adults. We are doing our best to be mean
parents just like Mum was.


I think that is what's wrong with the world today.
It just doesn't have enough mean mums!

The Five Love Languages of Children

I have been going for a seminar on "The 5 Love Languages of Children". The seminar is on for 4 weeks and have just finished the 2nd week, last Sunday. The seminar is based on The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell.

There are 5 ways that love is expressed:

1. Physical Touch: Tender touches, a pat on the back, a hug, wrestle, etc
2. Words of Affirmation: Uplifting words, verbal appreciation, cards, etc.
3. Quality Time: Period of focused time and attention. Reading a story, shopping together, etc.
4. Gifts: Gifts of all different sizes and prices.
5. Acts of Service: Sacrificial giving of a persons time and energy. Mending clothes, fixing a bike, making breakfast, etc.

I have heard about the book but neither read nor practiced this on my children till I attended the seminar. So, in order to make it effective, I asked both my children what would make them feel most loved and following were their reply.

Joel

1. Acts of Service: When I cook for him, do things for him, etc.
2. Physical Touch: Hug him
3. Quality Time: Spend time playing with him, teaching him, etc.

Ethaniel

1. Physical Touch: Hugs and kisses
2. Acts of Service: When I do things for him, etc.
3. Words of Affirmation: When I tell him I love him, etc.
   

Ethaniel's primary love language is very obvious because from a very young age he loves to hug and kiss. Children usually give love the same way they receive love. So, if you want to know your children's love languages, just observe how they give out love.

My primary love language is also Acts of Service similar to Joel's.

Today Joel pealed open the California Temaki which I purchased from the supermarket. He laid it out nicely and gave it to me and I said, "I FEEL loved!" Its his way of expressing his love to me through the Acts of Service.

Quoting from The Five Love Languages of Children book (Page 217)

"In raising children, everything depends on the love relationship between the parent and the child. Nothing works well if a child's love needs are not met. Only the child who feels genuinely loved and cared for can do her best. You may truly love your child, but unless she feels it - unless you speak the love language that communicates to her your love - she will not feel loved." In addition, a child who feels loved "is much easier to discipline and train then when his 'emotional tank' is running near empty"

House Rules

The house rules is NO HITTING YOUR BROTHER. Anyone who hits, will be punished. Badly.

So, I have just recently discovered that to annoy each other, they kiss and hug. Huh???!!

• Kiss with WET LIPS and MANY TIMES.
  

• Hug VERY TIGHTLY till blood circulation is inhibited.

• Kiss at the back of the neck with WET LIPS and MANY TIMES.

It is also HOUSE RULES that no NAME CALLING allowed.

So to annoy his older brother, Ethaniel calls Joel, "Honey!"

Yes, that irritates Joel.

So, bottomline. How do you deal with children who kiss, hug AND call out to each other so lovingly?

Free Online Children Story

My children loves... No. Let me correct myself. Addicted is more like it. They absolutely cannot live without listening to an audio story in a day. Its usually during lunch break and before they go to bed.

There are various program in just one website. They are:

1. Down Gilead Lane (Audio story)
   
2. The Pond (Audio story)
   
3. Paws & Tales (Audio Story)
   
4. Kids Corner
5. Your story hour
   
6. Karen and Kids
7. We Kids (Songs and stories)
   
8. His Kids Radio (Songs & Stories)

Focus on the family also has audio story and its updated everyday except Saturdays and Sundays. So, you have a new story everyday!

1. Adventure in Odyssey (Focus on the family)
   

www.hiskids.net

The stories are very well produced and most of them send my children and I cracking. It incorporates values into each story. My children have been listening to it for years now. They have learnt many things without actually realizing that they are learning. They just enjoy the stories. Their favorite character is Tony the Frog and Floyd the Turtle in The Pond.

The Ponds and Adventures in Odysseys are my ALL TIME FAVORITE!!! Go online today to enjoy the free audio stories.

Note: As of 15 September, 2008, I have updated this post. There were some changes to the websites and the links.

One of Those Days

Yes, its one of those days when Ethaniel drives me up the wall and OUT the window.

In the middle of our studies, his constant jokes, funny faces, dawdling, "Can I have a hug and a kiss?", "I am tired", "I am hungry", "Can I have my dessert now?", "Can I have my 10 mins break now?". I have to repeat request again and again AND again! Not forgetting his new found habit of making funny noises with his lips which absolutely drives his brother up the wall with RAGE! So, both of them were at each others throat whole morning (They had to sit beside each other for studies).

When it was time to finish his Math, he insisted on doing extra 6 pages of work. I had enough of teaching for the day!!!! Let's finish NOW! But this little boy was having so much fun doing the Math exercise that he MUST continue for another 6 pages. There were those days I had to threaten him to do his work. I don't understand this boy.

"Ethaniel please close the door," I screamed from the kitchen.

"Yes, Honey!" exclaimed Ethaniel.

Now, how do you stay angry with this little boy?

Reward System

I use a reward system for both Joel and Ethaniel. When they are well-behaved, has good attitude, finish their studies and etc. which deserves reward, I will give them beans. When they are able to fill the bottle to the required level, they are rewarded with B500 (RM50).

Ethaniel is the first to fill his bottle and he was rewarded with B500 yesterday. Yes, he finished spending it too! He treated his brother to Swensen's ice cream and purchase legos.

Counting his beanies to be put into his bottle

This is the level to claim for rewards

His B500 reward

If they behave themselves and do well, they should be able to claim their reward within 1.5 months, if not.... longer.

Collection of Toy Pigs

My favorite collections since I was a teenager are little toy pigs. I stopped for many years after I had children and had just started again in the last 2 years.

My children know that and they are very thoughtful when they buy me something.

Today we went to a fun fair. They played some games and managed to get some points which they can redeem for gifts. I told Joel & Ethaniel not to redeem for soft toys, just things which are useful to them. A few minutes later, I saw Ethaniel coming towards me with a toy pig. He was so proud and happy. “Mommy, this pig is for you!” He gave me a kiss on the cheek and a hug.

I was so touched because instead of redeeming something he liked, he redeemed the toy pig for me! I later discovered, Joel and him planned it.

The cute little pig

Ethaniel later came to me with a sad face…. He couldn’t redeem anything for himself with the remaining points. His face was so sad that it almost seemed pitiful. I felt bad that I had the pig and told him to return it in exchange for a gift he liked but he refused.

He tried to win a few more points but couldn’t. He has one last coupon to play and I suggested that we pray that his last coupon will get him 10 points on the wheels. Not too long later, we saw him lugging his gift worth 10 points!!

Ethaniel doing CPR to the pig!

Joel dancing with the pig

It’s wonderful to see my children learning to sacrifice, just like how I often do for them, even though in small little ways. I hope all this small little practices will eventually train them to be good servants of God, neighbours, friends, husbands, fathers and grandfathers. Its never too early to learn good characters.

The benefit of being a mother is to be able to train up my sons to be what God wants them to be.

The joys of motherhood.

Boundaries

I have been living away from my parents for the last 12 years. I have realised that I am very used to doing things my way. Hanging up the wok here, putting the pan there, fork and spoon in drawers and etc. Mom has her way of doing things which is very different from how I do mine. I still like to do it my way even when she is around and its not unusual that she wants to do it her way too.

I learnt about boundaries in the last few years and I feel that it has been good. I felt that all my life, people has bull-dozered me and I have allowed them to do it just because I am afraid to hurt them. But the problem is, I silently resent them and felt a lot of frustrations inside.

The best thing about a Mother-Daughter relationship is that, we can tell each other off without holding grudges. There are things which she does not agree about me and vice versa. We will get it off our chest and move on.

I first learnt about boundaries through Elijah House - an inner healing ministry. I felt that God was teaching me to put up boundaries and not allow people to keep pushing their way in my life. Its not a right Christian attitude to allow people to 'step all over' me. When Jesus was on earth, He had many boundaries whereby, He left to spend time by himself rather than allowing the crowd to be with him 24/7. He also was never pushed around expecially by the Pharisees. He even showed His anger and told them off. It didn't mean that He doesn't love them but He knew when to put up boundaries.

One of the most effective boundaries I have practised are with my children. My children knows that they cannot push me around by excessively serving them, insist on getting their way - especially when tired, throwing tantrums and etc. They must respect Mommy's needs as well. And it has worked excellently well. When I tell them that Mommy is tired, they need to help out, immediately Joel and Ethaniel empathizes. They have learnt to put their wants aside to fulfill another's need. They have learnt not to gratify their own wants all the time, have a little self-control every now and then. It will not kill them! They still push their way every now and then, being human, but I also know when to put my boundaries.

Life is indeed a journey.... a learning and growing journey.... Some are easy and others are hard...

Magic Stick

It’s a very common looking stick, made of rattan. Obtainable at most “pasar malam” (night market in Bahasa Malaysia) and readily found at most Malaysian household a generation ago. It is indispensable to most parents. You might have guessed it by now, it’s the rotan.

I first purchased and used the rotan when Joel was about 2 years old. That was 9 years ago. I never thought it was necessary to use it, being first time Mother. But now, its indispensable. I know that many Mothers may differ in opinion. Many books will suggest that I am damaging them permanently or teaching them violence.

1. Proverbs 22:15 (KJV)
   Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
   
   
2. Proverbs 23:13 (KJV)
   Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

Just a few days ago, Joel came up to me and said “Thank you for giving me the rotan. I needed it”. With a smile that speaks a thousand words. It was a cheeky and knowing smile. You see, just a few days ago, I administered the rotan to his meaty bottom. He had failed to accomplish his work which I have asked him numerous times to do. We had an agreement. It was basically due to laziness, irresponsibility and disobedience.

We have been working on getting some discipline and character into his life. He has been struggling, I knew that. We have also prayed and asked God for help.

This magical rod has helped him to overcome a few tough character issues in the past e.g. lying, cheating, bullying his brother, etc. I understand at one point or another, all of us are tempted to sin. It starts very early. If its not nipped in the bud at the onset, it might be a lifelong character struggle. I can see that in many young adults, adults and even old people of today. The scary part is, it will cease to become a struggle and eventually become an accepted behaviour. There are many people who can tell a lie “without blinking”.

As parents we have the responsibility to help our children to stop doing foolish things. That is something which requires comprehension. How inflicting pain on their meaty bottoms can deter foolish characters?

I guess many of us do not speed on the road, kill, steal, etc. due to the fear of being caught by the authorities. Maybe it applies to children as well.

I personally believe that rotan has to be administered with a double portion of love and patience and never in anger or revenge. Its not easy to do that but if you succeed 80% of the time, then your child will realize that you are doing it for their own good rather than harboring bitterness, anger and injustice.

When I heard Joel’s comment, I tried to look calm but inside, I said a silent “Thank you, God”. At least I am doing something right. That my friend, is a rare occasion ;-)