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Wednesday, March 12, 2008

The Five Love Languages of Children

I have been going for a seminar on "The 5 Love Languages of Children". The seminar is on for 4 weeks and have just finished the 2nd week, last Sunday. The seminar is based on The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell.

There are 5 ways that love is expressed:
  1. Physical Touch: Tender touches, a pat on the back, a hug, wrestle, etc
  2. Words of Affirmation: Uplifting words, verbal appreciation, cards, etc.
  3. Quality Time: Period of focused time and attention. Reading a story, shopping together, etc.
  4. Gifts: Gifts of all different sizes and prices.
  5. Acts of Service: Sacrificial giving of a persons time and energy. Mending clothes, fixing a bike, making breakfast, etc.
I have heard about the book but neither read nor practiced this on my children till I attended the seminar. So, in order to make it effective, I asked both my children what would make them feel most loved and following were their reply.

Joel
  1. Acts of Service: When I cook for him, do things for him, etc.
  2. Physical Touch: Hug him
  3. Quality Time: Spend time playing with him, teaching him, etc.
Ethaniel
  1. Physical Touch: Hugs and kisses
  2. Acts of Service: When I do things for him, etc.
  3. Words of Affirmation: When I tell him I love him, etc.
Ethaniel's primary love language is very obvious because from a very young age he loves to hug and kiss. Children usually give love the same way they receive love. So, if you want to know your children's love languages, just observe how they give out love.

My primary love language is also Acts of Service similar to Joel's.

Today Joel pealed open the California Temaki which I purchased from the supermarket. He laid it out nicely and gave it to me and I said, "I FEEL loved!" Its his way of expressing his love to me through the Acts of Service.

Quoting from The Five Love Languages of Children book (Page 217)

"In raising children, everything depends on the love relationship between the parent and the child. Nothing works well if a child's love needs are not met. Only the child who feels genuinely loved and cared for can do her best. You may truly love your child, but unless she feels it - unless you speak the love language that communicates to her your love - she will not feel loved." In addition, a child who feels loved "is much easier to discipline and train then when his 'emotional tank' is running near empty"

3 comments:

Mummy to QiQi said...

Hi Chris,

chinnee here. thanks for dropping by, and glad to get another mummy blogger friend. So next time go bangkok can meet up with you :)

Agree with d 5 language of love. Not easy, especially now i m facing great challenge to disipline my growing girl. Only one girl, and i m going crazy...sigh....

Btw, can get your mum to come stay with you (*to babysit* your sons so u can go outing sometimes...hahaha)

Kellan said...

WOW - I loved this. I've never thought about this before, in this manner. I just loved it and am going to keep it in mind with my children. I do most of this already, but didn't realize it or it's affect on my children. Thanks for this - see you later. Kellan

Angela said...

Yes love is shown in so many ways.
I do love it when my son gives me a leaping hug